Arnold, Clint: Meet Your Match!

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I don't like showing up kids like the Gov or Make My Day Eastwood, who's actually a couple of years older than me (which probably explains why he's in such terrible shape), which is why I seldom discuss my superb physical condition -- and how it got that way. As for me, as you can see, I tipped the scales a 167 pounds this morning and decided it was time to double the number of reps in my daily series of Physical Jerks. Given the warmth of the day (Januaries in California are known for their harsh weather. The thermometer plummeted to a chilly sixty-eight degrees in the patio) I was forced to remove some of my garments to stave off heat prostration.


I was just getting into my routine
when our phone began to ring. We ignored it, since calls of any importance are placed by personal cell phones but after a time even those began to ring!


It seems that performing my usual round of physical fitness activities was causing the ladies of the neighborhood who could see into our patio, to ignore their duties in favor of bird-watching. Husbands and other members of the ladies families were calling to ask... No, to plead with me in many cases, to please take my physical fitness exercises in-doors. Barring that, to beg me to at least don a garment of some sort that would hide the sight of my powerful physique.

Apparently housekeeping and other chores had come to a halt in the homes having a view of our patio.

I felt really terrible about this and suggested that, it being a Saturday, the husbands give their wives some money and allow them to go shopping, something most women are quite willing to do.

For those who are interested, the exercise in the photos is done using cast-iron dumbells weighing a solid FIVE POUNDS (!) each. They are slowly lifted to above my head then returned to below the level of my waist. This is done FIVE TIMES, followed by a short period of REST.

I have performed this particular exercise as often as 25 times(!) without stopping even once.

-R.S.Hoover
10 January 2009